Friday, February 01, 2008
UnReal estate in Bengaluru
Have you tried buying/renting a property in Bangalore? Have you ever thought about the insane rates that people quote? Have you realised that you are short cashed by at least 1 million dollars while doing so? Have you, have you? I have. If you have ever gone about finding out how real the estate is here, you'd have realised that being fingered out of the cricket ground by a Steve "I show the finger always if it is an Indian batsmen because I am a loser who's too old for FIFA and am hence in cricket since ICC does not give a fuck for performance as long as you can fake seriousness on your face and wait for an eternity before giving a batsman out LBW and still declare the ball a wide" Bucknor is easier to digest than this.
On what basis is the worth of a property assigned? What are the rules here anyway? Not everyone is a Mallya.
I am sure that a typical conversation between two builders would go as follows,
Builder 1: machan, I have constructed this apartment just 14 kms from city center and am planning to advertise it.
Builder 2: yeah? super. Where it is?
Builder 1: here wonly, city center. In Devanahalli.
Builder 2: ah cool, why don't you quote a crore for each flat? It must have after all, two bedrooms, one kitchen and one living room no?
Builder 1: O yes it does. But a crore is too much no? I do not want to fleece my customers. Sure it has a swimming pool, a gym, a shopping mall, jogging area, tennis court, a park, children's play area and the Buckingham palace. But one crore? Never. I say 90 lakhs is a fair price. It is after all just 10 minutes from city center.
Builder 2: er.. 10 minutes from which city?
Builder 1: Devanahalli.
Builder 2: Perfect planning ra machan.
Builder 1 decides to go ahead and advertise. He approaches the King Khan to endorse his product. But since the king is busy being Rahul in Karan Johar's upcoming movie Kyunki Kal Dil Ko Kabhi Khushi Mannat Dulhan Le Jayenge, he turns the offer down. Next in line is Big B of course. The builder calls up Big B who immediately accepts it and flies down from a temple in the Kailash mountain where he, Jaya and Amar Singh were discussing the plumetting acting career of small B and the fake accent of Aishwarya's. They do a quick photo op and the builder puts it up in FreeAds, Ad-mag, Sulekha Classifieds and also in the most famous advertisements daily, The Advertisements of India (ha!).
An innocent buyer comes across the advertisement and decides to give it a look since it's only 14 kms from city center and just a 10 minute drive. He calls up the builder.
Buyer: Hello, I saw your advertisement in The Advertisements of India and am interested in your offer. I would like to take a look at it.
Builder: Ah yes, saar. Please come. Let's meet in front of the Bangalore City Railway station tomorrow morning at 10:30, ok?
Buyer: Ok.
Cut to next day morning..
Builder: Ah hello hello saar.
Buyer: Hello, good morning.
Builder: Shall we go? It is only 10 minutes from city center saar. We shall go in your car.
Buyer: Sure. Which way?
Builder: Devanahalli saar. Just 10 minutes.
Buyer: What?? hmm.. er.. Ok.
They get into the car. 10 minutes later, after the buyer has successfully got the car out of the parking lot, they're breezing past the city at 15 kmph.
An hour and half later..
Builder: Welcome saar. This is the apartment.
Buyer:Ah yes. The 10 minute drive was, I must say exhilarating.
Builder: It sure was saar. Please come, there are 32 houses in the apartment. 31 are already booked saar. Only 1 is vacant. That too, another customer has promised me that he'll come in the evening and pay a token advance for it. If you want to buy it, you would have to do that before he does.
Buyer: What? I have not even seen the house yet.
Builder: Oh the house is fantastic saar.
Buyer: Show it to me.
Builder: You are standing right in the living room saar.
Buyer: huh? This 10 by 10 dungeon is the living room?
Builder: hmm.. yes. But we have other amenities also saar.
Buyer: Ok. Where are the other amenities.. swimming pool, shopping mall, gym, joggers' track etc?
Builder: Right in front of you saar. Color-color fish swim in it saar. It is also called the aquarium. Each house will get to keep it for a day. The shopping mall is next to the apartment. It is called subbamman angaDi. You get all varieties of vegetables there. And since your house is on the fourth floor, you don't need a gym to keep yourself fit. Climbing up and down the stairs will do saar. That is why we don't have elevators also. Our staircase is multi-functional saar. It also doubles up as the joggers' track. You can run up and down.
Buyer: Oh super. And the board here says that a ll houses are Vaastu complaint. You mean Vaastu compliant, don't you?
Builder: Yes saar, that only. Vaastu complaint.
Buyer: Goddam you.
Builder: So cash or cheque saar?
Buyer: Demand draft. Now, let's go back to the center of our city.
Builder: Sure sir.
And that my friends, is as real as real estate can get.
PS: If you have not already guessed, I am trying to indicate that buying a property in Bangalore is really difficult because I recently bought a flat :)
PPS: No, it's not in Devanahalli nor did it cost me 90 lakhs.
On what basis is the worth of a property assigned? What are the rules here anyway? Not everyone is a Mallya.
I am sure that a typical conversation between two builders would go as follows,
Builder 1: machan, I have constructed this apartment just 14 kms from city center and am planning to advertise it.
Builder 2: yeah? super. Where it is?
Builder 1: here wonly, city center. In Devanahalli.
Builder 2: ah cool, why don't you quote a crore for each flat? It must have after all, two bedrooms, one kitchen and one living room no?
Builder 1: O yes it does. But a crore is too much no? I do not want to fleece my customers. Sure it has a swimming pool, a gym, a shopping mall, jogging area, tennis court, a park, children's play area and the Buckingham palace. But one crore? Never. I say 90 lakhs is a fair price. It is after all just 10 minutes from city center.
Builder 2: er.. 10 minutes from which city?
Builder 1: Devanahalli.
Builder 2: Perfect planning ra machan.
Builder 1 decides to go ahead and advertise. He approaches the King Khan to endorse his product. But since the king is busy being Rahul in Karan Johar's upcoming movie Kyunki Kal Dil Ko Kabhi Khushi Mannat Dulhan Le Jayenge, he turns the offer down. Next in line is Big B of course. The builder calls up Big B who immediately accepts it and flies down from a temple in the Kailash mountain where he, Jaya and Amar Singh were discussing the plumetting acting career of small B and the fake accent of Aishwarya's. They do a quick photo op and the builder puts it up in FreeAds, Ad-mag, Sulekha Classifieds and also in the most famous advertisements daily, The Advertisements of India (ha!).
An innocent buyer comes across the advertisement and decides to give it a look since it's only 14 kms from city center and just a 10 minute drive. He calls up the builder.
Buyer: Hello, I saw your advertisement in The Advertisements of India and am interested in your offer. I would like to take a look at it.
Builder: Ah yes, saar. Please come. Let's meet in front of the Bangalore City Railway station tomorrow morning at 10:30, ok?
Buyer: Ok.
Cut to next day morning..
Builder: Ah hello hello saar.
Buyer: Hello, good morning.
Builder: Shall we go? It is only 10 minutes from city center saar. We shall go in your car.
Buyer: Sure. Which way?
Builder: Devanahalli saar. Just 10 minutes.
Buyer: What?? hmm.. er.. Ok.
They get into the car. 10 minutes later, after the buyer has successfully got the car out of the parking lot, they're breezing past the city at 15 kmph.
An hour and half later..
Builder: Welcome saar. This is the apartment.
Buyer:
Builder: It sure was saar. Please come, there are 32 houses in the apartment. 31 are already booked saar. Only 1 is vacant. That too, another customer has promised me that he'll come in the evening and pay a token advance for it. If you want to buy it, you would have to do that before he does.
Buyer: What? I have not even seen the house yet.
Builder: Oh the house is fantastic saar.
Buyer: Show it to me.
Builder: You are standing right in the living room saar.
Buyer: huh? This 10 by 10 dungeon is the living room?
Builder: hmm.. yes. But we have other amenities also saar.
Buyer: Ok. Where are the other amenities.. swimming pool, shopping mall, gym, joggers' track etc?
Builder: Right in front of you saar. Color-color fish swim in it saar. It is also called the aquarium. Each house will get to keep it for a day. The shopping mall is next to the apartment. It is called subbamman angaDi. You get all varieties of vegetables there. And since your house is on the fourth floor, you don't need a gym to keep yourself fit. Climbing up and down the stairs will do saar. That is why we don't have elevators also. Our staircase is multi-functional saar. It also doubles up as the joggers' track. You can run up and down.
Buyer: Oh super. And the board here says that a
Buyer: Goddam you.
Builder: So cash or cheque saar?
Buyer: Demand draft. Now, let's go back to the center of our city.
Builder: Sure sir.
And that my friends, is as real as real estate can get.
PS: If you have not already guessed, I am trying to indicate that buying a property in Bangalore is really difficult because I recently bought a flat :)
PPS: No, it's not in Devanahalli nor did it cost me 90 lakhs.
# posted by Raghavendra Raichur @ 12:32 AM 
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